Best Wingman Ever
by FuyuSarah
Summary: Adrien was absolutely sure Nino could get Marinette to say yes. He had no idea that he would regret being right. Spoilers for Animan. Initial MariNino, Adrienette all around.
1. Hashtag SameBush

Dialogue from the episode is obviously not mine. Based on translations by mlsubbing.

For Megatraven and AmyNChan.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: #SameBush**

"Like what I keep saying," Adrien said as he fit his earpiece to his ear. "Just be yourself. You'll be fine."

Nino said nothing while he fumbled with his own earpiece, a complete wreck compared to his usual calm, easy-going, always-smiling self. It was unnerving to see him handle a piece of electronics with anything less than 100% confidence.

"Just relax!" Adrien continued, giving Nino's shoulders a little shake. "She's not going to bite your head off. She's really friendly and sweet and nice. Just remember to breathe, and smile."

"Oh god," Nino suddenly gasped. "What if she smiles back?"

"Uh… Dude, that's the whole point."

"But you don't understand!" Nino exclaimed, throwing his hands up and onto his cap. "When she smiles, she just lights up, and her eyes are so bright and it's like—"

"I do understand, believe me, I know her smile is disarming," Adrien agreed. "But the important thing is to remember all the other times you _weren't_ freezing up in front of her. You're fine. You've had plenty of fun conversations with her before, certainly more than I have. You can do this."

Nino seemed to give a start at that, eyebrows lifting. "What?"

"I said you can do this."

"No, before that—"

"Oh _mon dieu_ ," Adrien sighed, rolling his eyes. "She's waiting for you! Just get in there!"

Nino stumbled a bit from the force that Adrien used to push him into the path towards the meeting place, allowing Adrien to jump into the bushes. He pushed aside the branches as gently as possible—wouldn't want to a strict zookeeper to be akumatized, right?—and only paused to glance back to find Nino still where he left him, deep in thought.

"Come on, Nino," Adrien spoke into the earpiece. "One foot in front of the other."

"R—right," the crackle of Nino's voice responded. "Okay, here we go."

Out in the pathway, Marinette was saying goodbye to Kim and Max—huh; they were there, too?—and turned to Nino with a smile.

"Oh, hi, Nino!" she greeted brightly. "Adrien isn't with you?"

Adrien felt his heart skip a beat at the mention of his name, but instead of thinking on it, he quickly pressed the speak button on his earpiece.

"Tell her you'll be better without me."

"You'll be better without me," Nino promptly echoed.

As Marinette gave a noise of confusion, Plagg floated to rest on top of Adrien's head, saying something about things getting interesting. Adrien's effort to shush him was unsuccessful, but what else was new, really?

"I mean— without him!" Nino recovered. "No need for Adrien to wander around in the zoo!"

Adrien frowned as Nino got his line right. That line…It sounded a little too much like how he talked to Ladybug.

 _Your Chat Noir is showing, Adrien_ , he chided himself.

No. Nino had to be _Nino_ —the normal one with great social skills—just like Adrien had kept telling him. What Adrien had to do was imagine what _Nino_ would do, then get Nino to do it. It sounded absurd, but what can you do?

For some reason, Marinette stumbled on her words before settling on, "Wasn't he supposed to come? Don't you want to wait for him?"

Adrien said nothing, this time, waiting to see what Nino's answer would be.

Nino's answer was a very eloquent, "I— er— Y— You're right! We'll wait for him!"

Adrien groaned, slapping his forehead. He had half a mind to ask Nino what _the heck_ he was doing, but, inhaling slowly, he tried to be more productive, instead.

"Dude. Breathe," he reminded in what he hoped to be a calming tone. "We can work with this. But I'm not going to go over there, you hear?"

He saw Nino glance at him and surreptitiously nod as he and Marinette took their seats. On opposite ends of the bench. Facing away from each other. Adrien fought the urge to slap his forehead again, choosing instead to look for a way to turn things around.

Rapidly tapping a finger on his chin, his narrowed his eyes onto the small details, looking for _something_ to go on. Nino was chewing on his lip, knowing he maybe messed up with that last bit, but he otherwise looked marginally more relaxed. There's still the understandable presence of nervousness, but there was also a healthy amount of stable ease. For now. The trick, then, was keeping that up once he was again faced with Marinette's dazzling smile.

As for Marinette, her back was straight but not tense—she always did have a nice posture, unless she was tripping over her feet or her words—and she was tapping her toes together. He couldn't see her facial expression from his hiding place, but it didn't seem like she was doing it out of impatience. She was an animated, expressive girl, constantly moving or creating something, and bursting with that infectious energy—

 _NO._

 _STOP._

 _Focus, Agreste._

See, _this_ was why he agreed to help Nino. Of course it was to…well… _help Nino_ , but Adrien would be lying through his teeth if he insisted that he didn't have his own ulterior motive.

He'd told Nino that he'd observed him looking at Marinette a little too much lately, but the truth is: it takes one to know one. Adrien had also caught himself looking at her for more than a few times than he'd like to admit, and, even now, when he was supposed to be strategizing his best friend's next step to woo her, it was her and the tinkling sound of her laugh that was claiming his attention.

She was messing with his head, and he'd been wanting a project, something else to concentrate on. He was already pining after Ladybug, he didn't need another girl to—

 _FOCUS, Agreste!_

And, besides, it was always nice to have a chance to help someone as Adrien, and not just as Chat Noir!

That the project ended up being precisely about her was mere coincidence, but he'd take it, because if she was with Nino, then—

"Ugh. Watching humans do nothing is painful," Plagg piped up, and for once, Adrien was grateful for his kwami's commentary. He could only interrupt his own treacherous thoughts for so many times. "Don't you have some cheese I can munch on?"

"You just gobbled that huge piece half an hour ago!"

"Yes, but that was half an hour ago!"

Adrien actually did have some cheese, but that was for if an akuma showed up and Plagg needed to recharge. He reallyhoped an akuma didn't show up. This date needed to go well.

He pushed the speak button on his earpiece.

"Nino. Pretend your phone was on vibrate and that you got a text from me. "

From where he sat, Nino's eyebrows furrowed, but fished his phone from his pocket, anyway.

"Tell her that you got a text from me, and that I suddenly have an unscheduled photoshoot."

Nino's eyes flew to Adrien like he was going to protest out loud, but Adrien saw that coming and firmly threatened, "I will remove my earpiece and leave you alone with her if you don't do it; **I kid you not**."

"Sheesh, what's got _you_ all worked up?" Plagg laughed. Adrien ignored him.

Nino looked like he wanted to bolt, but fortunately Marinette turned to him, looked at the phone in his hands and asked, "Oh, did Adrien text you? Is he nearby yet?"

Her voice had a tinge of excitement in it, as if she was looking forward to Adrien's arrival, and his heart gave a jolt. He swallowed and ignored that, too.

"Y—yeah…" Nino answered, carefully turning to her and chuckling nervously. "It's…um… He said he has a sudden photoshoot."

Nino's voice sounded unnatural, and his words were much too scripted, but it had to do for now. (It was unquestionably better than his automatic echo of, "You'll be better without me.") Besides, the excuse wasn't out of the ordinary.

"Oh," Marinette said, softly, as the eager line on shoulders fell. Adrien's chest clenched at that, and he felt the strongest need to comfort—

"Well, you know Adrien," Nino's voice came without needing assistance. For the first time since they'd arrived at the zoo, it sounded steady, even, and sure. "He doesn't just flake out without good reason. He's really in demand, and he gives his best in everything. He's got a lot on his plate, and yet he tries to still be there for his friends when he can. There are things that are beyond his control sometimes, so don't… I hope you won't think badly of him because of this."

"I won't," Marinette replied readily and with such certainty that would have floored Adrien if Nino's words hadn't already. There was a soft smile on her lips, too, as she gazed up warmly at the boy in front of her. "You're a good friend, Nino."

Huh. Who would've thought that the topic of Adrien himself was what was going to do the trick?

There was a small pause as only the muted sound of the faraway animals and the crowds visiting them became the background for the comfortable silence. Adrien suddenly felt like an intruder. Should he leave? Nino's got this, right?

"Well," Marinette began, gesturing to the rest of the zoo. "Shall we go see that panther, then? Kim was just here telling me about—"

"Actually, Marinette," Nino interrupted, a smidge of nervousness returning to his voice, "before we go, I… I have to tell you something."

Oh.

Oh here we go.

Like, _here we go_ here we go.

"Yes?" Marinette encouraged, tilting her head with a wide smile, and _oh god_ she was so cute.

 _ADRIEN AGRESTE, YOU ARE HERE TO HELP YOUR BEST FRIEND GET THE GIRL, NOT OGLE AT SAID GIRL._

"The truth is…" Adrien's best-friend-whom-Adrien-was-supporting continued, lifting a hand to scratch at the back of his neck, "I honestly find you super cute. And, well… I was thinking—if it's all right with you, that is—I was thinking if we can…maybe…call this a date?"

Marinette's eyes widened, and Adrien felt his fingers tightly grip the railing in front of him. He wasn't sure what he wanted Marinette to say. For Nino's sake he wanted her to say yes, but—

Whatever was at the end of that thought vanished into thin air when the panicked cries of "DON'T STAY HEREEEEEE!" and "Hide yourself!" pierced the afternoon air, along with the sprinting Kim and Max. Adrien didn't have time to wonder at how surprisingly fast Max was going to be able to keep up with Kim, because a legitimately horrifying roaring black panther was racing right behind them.

"Well, that explains things," Plagg observed, but Adrien could barely breathe, much less pay attention to his wise-cracking kwami, as the panther darted past Nino and Marinette.

An elephant's trumpeting came next, making everyone turn to a whole assortment of feral animals advancing towards them.

 _What the hell?!_

Nino, already jogging in place, let out a, "Well, uh, let's put it off for later!" before sprinting, with Marinette right behind him. It honestly would've been comedic, if they weren't facing almost certain mauling by provoked zoo animals.

And although Adrien was Chat Noir, hero of Paris, he couldn't help ducking back into the bushes as the pack of animals stampeded past his hiding place, because that was a Big Cat and very large animals, and, at the moment, he was just a very breakable human being.

Well, that had to be rectified quickly.

He had to make sure that Marinette and Nino got to safety, too.

"Plagg!" Adrien began, punching his fist forward.

But then something burst into the bushes nearby, causing him to snatch his outstretched arm back towards himself, taking his kwami into his fist and shielding him to his chest.

 _What the hell?!_ Adrien thought again, spinning around. When he caught the distinct pink of Marinette's pants a few meters away, he breathed a sigh of relief—well, at least he knew she was safe—and immediately choked when the even more distinct shape of a kwami, a red one with black dots, zipped up towards Marinette's shoulder.

 _What._

And without much ado, he heard Marinette's voice call out, "Tikki!—"

 _THE._

" **Transform me!"**

 _HELL?!_

* * *

 **Credits:** Hat tip to tumblr user adriendupain-cheng's head canon of Adrien's motivations, and tumblr user ladybugs-and-kittycats's initial observation of where Marinette and Adrien transformed. I actually believe they were across from each other, but for this fic, we'll go with a _what if_. This whole fic is a what if, anyway.


	2. Just Say No

**A/N:** But where does Adrien keep Plagg's cheese, anyway? Secret Agreste Fashion pockets?

* * *

 **Part 2: Just Say No.**

Chat Noir vaulted swiftly across the city skyline, mindful of how many seconds he had left, but not caring where he was going. His heart pounded almost painfully against the confines of his chest, and he couldn't say that it was entirely because of the way he tested his physical limits. He just needed to be elsewhere, needed to cover as many rooftops as possible, as far away from _her_ as possible.

 _Just one more,_ he pushed, _one more jump—_

He was still airborne when his Miraculous gave its loud, final beep. He still had several meters to clear when he felt his staff disintegrate, when the green magic started to crackle from his feet to his shins, his knees—

Adrien grunted as he landed roughly onto the concrete, muscle memory enabling him to tuck in his chin and curl into himself until he rolled to a stop. Elsewhere else on the rooftop, Plagg had had enough energy to at least float before making his much softer landing.

"Do you have a death wish?!" he shouted in a mixture of a growl and a whine. "Did you not hear my warning, I don't know, five blocks ago?! You could've _died_ from that height! Of all the _brainless_ —"

"Careful, Plagg," Adrien managed a humourless chuckle as he rolled onto his back. His lungs were still heaving, and his voice scratched his throat like he'd been screaming for at least a few hours. "Someone might think you were actually worried about me."

Plagg scoffed, and it was such a familiar sound that it was actually comforting. Adrien felt his heartbeat calm minutely. His _heart_ itself, though, was another story.

It was overwhelmed, overworked, overpowered— over _everything_ and that was just too much, too much for one day, for a single afternoon, and he needed a few minutes to process all this.

No, maybe he needed a whole year.

"Cheese," Plagg demanded, and, ah, there was another familiar sound.

"In a minute," Adrien said, still looking up unseeingly at the sky above him. "Just let me catch my breath."

"Right now," Plagg insisted, scoffing again. "You're going to make me transform you again once you 'catch your breath.'"

"I can just walk."

"Can you?"

Well, Plagg's got him there. Adrien didn't think he could manage to stand without falling to his knees and screaming from all the swirling, exploding thoughts in his head. And heart. And soul.

That was _too much_ for one day.

Sitting up with a groan, Adrien produced the last piece of cheese he had on him. His kwami walked—walked!—towards him, climbed into his hand, and started eating. Immediately, Adrien felt guilty. He'd truly tired out his kwami, this time.

"I'll get you a bigger one when we get home," he announced as an apology.

Plagg nodded. "You're going to go crazy if you don't talk about it, you know."

"I'm going to go crazy even if I do," Adrien countered, sighing.

She hadn't seen him, back in those bushes. Of course she hadn't; she wouldn't have transformed if she had. She hadn't seen him, she had transformed, and she had leapt off to fight without looking back.

He hadn't even gotten to see her face.

 _What did it look like when she called for her kwami_ , Adrien wondered fleetingly.

But Paris came first— Paris _always_ came first—and he had transformed without hesitation and leapt after her, telling himself to deal with _all that_ later.

With the mask on, it had been easy. Paris had been turning into Jumanji, and the discovery of Ladybug's identity had been pushed so far into the depths of Chat Noir's mind that the usual routine of punning, flirting, and fighting together came naturally. For a blessed while, he had been able to forget about pink capris turning into red dotted suits. He had been able to enjoy Ladybug's appreciative scratch to his chin; he had been able to enter the Dupain-Cheng boulangerie and think to himself that Marinette was lucky to have such warm cookies and even warmer parents.

Until, that is, she had decided that it was a good idea to feed herself to an akumatized T-Rex bent on exterminating her.

That the crazy, idiotic, _half-assed_ excuse of an idea had actually worked was irrelevant.

Plagg thought Adrien had a death wish? HA!Adrien had nothing on Ladybug, if that jumping-into-a-dinosaur's-mouth business was any indication. And by that determined, I'm-going-to-do-this-and-nothing-will-stop-me look on her face as she'd done it, it almost seemed like she was set on destroying _him_ , too.

Because she hadn't left him to watch just _Ladybug_ leap to her death.

He'd helplessly watched _Marinette_ disappearing behind those giant reptilian jaws, too.

The mere memory of it almost flung him back into hyperventilating, and, oh god, he was going to have nightmares about this, he just knew it.

After those few seconds of agonizing torture, he hadn't been able to help himself. He'd flung himself at her and pulled her flush against him. Seeing her alive and well hadn't been enough; he'd needed to touch her, to have concrete, tangible proof that she was there and alive and _with him._ And if she had pushed him away, he wouldn't have protested much, because that was what she did: push him away and smile at him and come back to let him fight beside her another day.

But she _hadn't_ pushed him away. If it had been any other day, he would have celebrated the delightful surprise of her acceptance, but _this day_ was already filled to the brim with surprises and he couldn't handle another one.

Because Marinette was Ladybug.

Did Alya know?

Did Nino—

 **"NINO!"** Adrien gasped, startling the peacefully eating Plagg. He flailed to search his pockets for his phone, and hit Nino's speed dial.

He'd told himself that he'd find his best friend and make sure he got to safety, but that had been before Marinette decided to turn his world upside down. He'd seen Nino racing past him at one point, and of course, Ladybug's cure should have fixed everything, but…

"Heeeey Adrien, my man, what's up?"

Adrien breathed a sigh of relief as Nino's greeting came through the earpiece that materialized back after his transformation ended.

"Dude, I'm so glad you're okay. You're okay, right?"

"I'm great!" Nino exclaimed shrilly. "Yep, all limbs still intact."

Adrien frowned. The tone was unnatural, and it reminded him of a frozen Nino who couldn't talk to—

"Are you with Marinette?"

The words were out before Adrien could stop himself. If Nino noticed his alarmed tone, he'd chalk it up to worrying about his friends' welfare.

"No, um… I'm actually— err…"

"Why are you stuttering?"

"I'm not stuttering. I'm in a cage."

Adrien let the non-sequitur slide to focus on the important thing: "You're in a _what_ , now?"

"The panther enclosure. We stayed here for safety—"

"We?"

"Um… Me and Alya?"

Oh!

 _Well._

Adrien felt a grin crawl onto his lips. That was quite an… _interesting_ development. A boy and a girl in close quarters. Who knew what that could lead to?

But Nino was still talking, and what he said next was, "So, this was empty when all the animals were out, but…ah…the panther's back."

All thoughts of matchmaking his friend with someone other than Marinette came to a screeching halt.

" ** _WHAT_?!** "

"He's actually pretty docile and just sitting there…licking a bone. But anyway! He's asleep now. Maybe he got tired from running around all afternoon or something."

"I'll be right there," Adrien told him, already on his feet with a fresh surge of adrenalin in his veins. "Don't go anywhere!"

"I don't think we have a choice in the matter, really."

Adrien didn't like hanging up on people, but this time he did it without hesitation so he could summon Plagg back into the ring. Within seconds, Chat Noir was bounding across rooftops again.

It was a good thing that, in his aimless escape from Ladybug, he had coincidentally been going towards the zoo. It didn't take long before he jumped into the bush to de-transform. (Unlike Ladybug, he had the sense to check if the coast was clear, first. Really, but Ladybug was so careless today!)

Running out of the self-same bush where Ladybug was revealed to him, he dialled Nino again just to make sure—

"Nino!" Adrien shouted the moment the call connected. "I'm almost there, are you guys still okay?"

"Yeah," Nino answered. "We're— Oh!"

"What?" Adrien demanded. He heard the sound of scraping metal over the line. "What, _Oh_?! _"_

No. Nonononono. An "Oh" could mean anything, but in Nino's circumstances "anything" could mean something really, really bad—

"Marinette!" Alya's voice cried happily over the line, and Adrien literally stumbled in surprise. He caught himself on a wall, though, and when he looked up he found himself almost at his destination. He was near enough to see his friends, but far enough that they didn't notice him. If not for his earpiece, he wouldn't be able to hear what was happening, either.

He flattened himself on the wall and stayed hidden.

"Come on, before the panther wakes up." Marinette directed as way of greeting—her authoritative tone speared through Adrien's heart pleasantly, the same way Ladybug's always did. "Thank you, monsieur."

The zoo worker with them nodded as he closed the gate behind the teenagers. He turned away to go back to his work, but Nino suddenly spoke.

"Ah, excuse us, monsieur, but did you witness what happened earlier?"

"Yes, I saw everything!" the other man replied. "It was chaos. Good thing Ladybug was there, eh?"

Even from where he was, Adrien saw Marinette flinch. Was she uncomfortable when people talked about Ladybug in front of her? But Alya did it all the time!

"She wasn't alone, sir," Marinette spoke up. "Chat Noir was there, too."

Honestly. The effects of her voice on Adrien's heart should be illegal. He was going to get arrhythmia at this rate.

"That he was!" Alya agreed. "Monsieur, would you greatly mind an interview for the Ladyblog? It will only be a few minutes, I promise."

The zookeeper agreed, and Alya threw a thumbs up sign towards Marinette and Nino. Adrien wasn't sure if it was in celebration for scoring an interview, or if it was some kind of scheme to get Marinette and Nino alone together.

He hoped it wasn't the latter…

…even though, just that morning, he was scheming the exact same thing.

Funny how things turned out.

Nino turned to Marinette, smiling.

"Well…That was a crazy afternoon, huh?"

"Insane…"

"But we got to see the panther, at least!"

The banter was light and effortless. All stammering and awkwardness was gone from Nino's voice. He was friendly and amiable. Nino was being _Nino_.

Adrien should have been proud.

He wasn't.

Marinette giggled in response— _Giggling_! Why on earth was she _giggling_?!—her eyes crinkling at the corners as her shoulders bobbed.

"Yeah, well…" She shrugged, still smiling. "I'd prefer foregoing the running for your life part next time, though."

Adrien felt his whole being sag.

No.

No way.

 _Did she just—?!_

"Did you just—" Nino asked, eyes wide. "I mean… Do you mean…?"

Marinette's eyes were wide, too, as if she _didn't_ mean what Nino (and Adrien) thought she meant.

 _Say no,_ Adrien found himself urging her in his head so fiercely, it was a wonder that he didn't say it out loud. He wanted to go over there. Leave his pitiful hiding place, march over to them, and very casually sabotage his best friend's progress.

Oh god. What the hell was wrong with him?!

Marinette opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to come up with an answer but not quite deciding on one.

"Wh— I…" she stammered. "I— I don't—"

"I mean, it's okay if you don't want to—"

"It's not that I don't want to—!"

Marinette and Nino both stopped at the same time, clamping their mouths shut and looking everywhere but each other.

For a few seconds, no one said anything.

Adrien could hardly breathe.

Where the hell was Alya?!

"You know," Nino began again, sighing, "you _can_ say no."

 _Say no. Dear god, just say no.—_

"I mean," Nino continued, "we hang out in school, and—"

 _—You say no to Chat Noir all the time—!_

"Yes."

And just like that, Adrien's heart plummeted to the ground.

This was _too much for one freaking day._

"Yes?" Nino asked, incredulous.

Marinette's nod was slow, almost hesitant, but it was a nod. "Yeah…Sure. Why not?"

 _You have to turn him down so that_ ** _I_** _can ask you out, that's why not!_

Before Nino could respond, Alya was suddenly there, smiling wide and waving her phone.

"Guess what I got!" she asked, jumping up and down. "Guess what I got, guess what I got, guess what I got!"

"A detailed interview?" Marinette asked calmly but encouragingly, used to Alya's excitement in her journalistic endeavors. Nino, on the other hand, looked thoroughly amused as Alya kept jumping around them.

"Not just!" Alya declared triumphantly. "The zoo let me have footage of Ladybug and Chat Noir from the security cameras!"

"Wow, that's huge!" Nino exclaimed. "Epic reporter moves!"

"You got that right!" Alya didn't care to deny it; she shouldn't need to, anyway. "Nino! You're going to help me edit the video."

"Okay. I just have to do a thing first. Your house tonight?"

"Sounds like a plan! Come on, Marinette, I want some of your parents' macarons as celebration! I'll bring you some later, Nino!"

Alya gave a thumbs up again, already running for the exit. Marinette jogged after her, but not before throwing a last smile and a wave to Nino.

No smiles or waves for Adrien, of course, because he was still unseen, rooted in his spot. His feet felt like lead. Everything felt heavy, actually.

"…Adrien. Are you still there?"

Adrien tried not to flinch as Nino's voice broke through into his earpiece. Nino, his _best friend_. Who had just secured a second date with Ladybug. Nino didn't know it, of course, but that was irrelevant. Even without looking at him, Adrien was sure that Nino was beaming, and if the circumstances were different, Adrien would have been happy for him. But as it was, Adrien couldn't give more than a grunt in response. He couldn't even tear his eyes away from Marinette's retreating form.

"You, my friend," Nino was saying, "are the best wingman ever."


End file.
